I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
