he puts the penis in happiness.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
