I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
