I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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