Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
how drunk are you?
Several
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
