I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
