considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
