If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
