So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize