i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
