I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
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