Actions speak louder than pants.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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