is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
