I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I'm passing your future prison.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
this is an emotional support booty call
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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