Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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