Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
