i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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