Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
