Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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