i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
