My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
