please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
