You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
