I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
