haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize