I think i peed on brittanys purse
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
