good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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