Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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