i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
