he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Randomize
