Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
