NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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