He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
