I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
The power of my boobs compel you
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
