Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
