I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
