I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
