I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
