I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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