I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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