We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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