His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
