Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
