and you said cock pushups were impossible
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Randomize
