Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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