well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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