You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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