There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
