I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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