my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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