It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
why didn't you poke me back
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
