We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
