Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
