Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
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