Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
