so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
