we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
