If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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