too bad you live with your parents still
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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