New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Randomize
