Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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