why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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