When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
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