yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
