Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
